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AK-47
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AR15 / M16 / M4
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Mosin-Nagant
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It works even though you seldom clean it.
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It works as long as you buy the $9/ounce
special non-detergent synthetic teflon
infused oil.
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It was last cleaned before entering
Berlin in 1945.
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You can hit the broad side of a barn from inside.
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You can hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters.
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You can hit the farm from the adjacent county.
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Cheap magazines are readily available.
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Cheap magazines melt.
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What is magazine?
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Your safety is a broad lever audible 300 meters away.
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You can silently flip off the safety
with your finger on the trigger.
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What is safety?
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AK-47
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AR15 / M16 / M4
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Mosin-Nagant
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Your rifle came with a cheap nylon sling.
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Your rifle now has a 9-point stealth
tactical suspension system.
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Your rifle came with two dog collars and a leash.
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Your rifle's finish is varnish and paint.
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Your rifle's finish is teflon and polymers.
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Your rifle's finish is low-grade shellac,
cosmoline, and Soviet toenail polish.
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Your bayonet makes a pretty good wire cutter.
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Your bayonet makes a pretty good steak knife.
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Your bayonet is as long as your leg.
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You can mount your bayonet and intimidate your foe.
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You can mount your bayonet and make your foe laugh.
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You can bayonet your foe on the other side of
the river without leaving your hole.
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Recoil is manageable.
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What is recoil?
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Recoil is often used to relocate a shoulder
dislocated by the previous round.
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Your sight adjustment goes to an uncalibrated
"10", but you have never bothered changing it.
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Your sight adjustment is calibrated in
fractions of minute of angle.
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Your sight adjustment goes to 1200 arshins,
and you've actually tried it.
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AK-47
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AR15 / M16 / M4
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Mosin-Nagant
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Your rifle is used by
two-bit nations' illiterate conscripts
to fight
elite forces
worldwide.
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Your rifle is used by
elite forces
to fight
two-bit nations' illiterate conscripts
worldwide.
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Your rifle has fought against itself and it
won every time.
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You paid $350.
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You paid $900.
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You paid $59.95.
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If your rifle breaks,
you can repair it with a hammer.
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If your rifle breaks,
you can take your rifle to a certified AR15/M16/M4
gunsmith, if it is still under warranty.
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If your rifle breaks,
it is cheapest and easiest to just buy a new one.
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You buy cheap Yugoslav ammunition by the case.
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You carefully reload precision crafted rounds
one at a time.
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You dig your ammunition out of a Ukrainian
farm field and it works just fine.
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You can change between 7.62 mm and 5.54 mm,
most easily by buying a second rifle.
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You can change cartridge sizes by pushing a couple
of pins and installing a new upper receiver.
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You know that no real man would suggest that there
is anything other than
7.62x54R.
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Favorite movie: Red Dawn
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Favorite movie: Black Hawk Down
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Favorite movie: Enemy at the Gates
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AK-47
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AR15 / M16 / M4
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Mosin-Nagant
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You could accessorize your rifle with a new
muzzle brake or a modified stock.
However,
Ivan Chesnokov
will tell you that you should not.
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Your rifle's accessories are more expensive
than your already expensive rifle.
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Your rifle's accessory is
a small tin can with a funny lid.
But it's buried under an apartment building
somewhere in Budapest.
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You would really like to have an autographed
photo of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
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You would really like to have an autographed
photo of Eugene Stoner.
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You're uncertain if there were cameras
when Sergei Mosin was alive.
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Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to
hold your rifle over your head and shout
"Wolverines!"
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Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to
clear your house, slicing the pie a room at a time.
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Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to
dig a fighting trench in the yard to sleep in.
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Service life:
78 years.
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Service life:
62 years.
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Service life:
134 years, so far.
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